I need to be real with you for a minute, and it involves self care.
When I used to think about self care, I imagined all of the woo woo, meditation, sitting - lotus - style while gongs play in the background.....that just wasn't me. That was what I used to think about self care. That was before I knew how to take care of myself.
The truth is, I feel a bit sorry for the girl I used to be. I had no idea how to talk to myself, care for myself or value myself in the way I should have, the way in which I deserved. And the saddest part is, it took me nearly forty years to learn how to treat myself better.
Let me know if you can relate to how I used to live:
• I worked too much and had to perform at 100% or above in my job, even though I didn't earn my worth.
• I ran myself ragged to be the best mom I could be, and was absolutely exhausted mentally and physically.
• I started the day guzzling coffee and felt my heart race in traffic when I might be late.
• I couldn't lose weight no matter how much I deprived myself of food I enjoyed.
• I developed new food allergies and started getting weird physical ailments that required things like CAT scans and specialists.
• I didn't need things like massage, color in my hair, girls nights out or my nails done because that money and time could be better spent on or with my family.
• I needed a glass (or three) of wine to be able to actually to go bed and try to sleep.
If you relate to any of this, I hope you see that that isn't living your best life. I look back at how I used to "live" and throw my head back in frustration, but I also don't blame myself. I used to feel shame.... about everything. It was just a part of me. I don't feel like that anymore. I am so, so grateful for the person I am now, the person I never thought I could be.
I went from weak, self-deprecating thoughts of "I'll never have enough (you fill in the blank)" and "I'm just not meant to live my dreams and work for myself" to the following just a few years later:
• I work for myself
• I get my hair & nails done, and I even get massage
• I sit in that freaking lotus position and own it
• I sleep like a baby
• I am almost to the weight I was in college
• I heard my son call me a role model recently
• I am happy
This blog post is getting rather long, so I'm going to do it in two parts. Part 2 will cover what this new way of living entails, how I got here with hard work, but how I have enjoyed every step in the journey, and how you can do the same.
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